20 Things To Do To Help You Get Over Your Breakup

To love is lose. This vulnerability is precisely what makes our relationships so special but also so dangerous. To offer ourselves is to walk along a precipice, hoping that the cliff-edge doesn't crumble beneath us.

It almost always does.

But sometimes the fall leads to blue skies and rosy new shores. 

The following points are a companion to my ever-growing resource on how to get over a breakup. So check that out for the nuts and bolts of moving on in a single, actionable guide.

woman holding an umbrella

How To Get Over Your Breakup: The List

1) Start a blog or breakup diary

That's how I got over my last romantic hiccup! It helped me take those thoughts out of my head by making them real and putting them on "paper". It made the buzzing in my head real enough to put it to bed. 

2) Start walking or jogging

Physical exercise takes care of your fight or flight stress mechanic and will shred your baseline anxiety.

3) Dust off your social circles

Rekindle and strengthen old friendships or start entirely new ones. Both will serve to remind your subconscious mind there is more to a comfort zone than your ex. This is largely a subconscious process, but the benefits will come as you force your brain to adjust to a new reality. 

4) Don't trust in dumper's remorse

Your ex may regret the breakup, but don't trust in gimmicks or hope-fueled fantasies that will send you back down the healing ladder once they crumble. If reconciliation becomes a real option-- great! But hope should only come off the back of real, direct, unambiguous communication. If you need answers reach out and get them, but be prepared for the answers (and take them at face value).

5) Communicate with your ex. 

Don't resort to mind games to get answers. If you have questions, remember that you have the ability to force clarity. If your attempts at communicating are met with silence, remember that that too is an answer!

6) Use no contact to heal

If communication is only confusing you, take control of your emotions by cutting away the mixed messages entirely. Use no contact to heal rapidly. But remember that healing rapidly is usually more painful in the short-term because it will force you to confront separation. Also: Don't use no contact as a manipulative way to get your ex back. There's a good chance no contact will lead to no contact, even if they might wish to reconcile. Reach out and get the answers you need before you detox with NC.

7) Take a vacation

Traveling will serve as a pattern break that will interrupt the obsessive and paranoid side of breakup recovery. Take your ailing brain out of its bubble and force it to focus and adapt to something new!

8) Do volunteering or charity work

Keep track of your self-esteem and learn to love yourself once more. Charity work will remind your ego that you are valuable. Not only that, but sparking positive change not only in yourself, but in others is always a net positive. Keep track of any vestiges of guilt that may be bringing you down!

9) Focus on your career. 

Small victories will help you regain emotional control and improve your life independently of your romantic escapades. Focusing on your career is something that is in your direct control. Sometimes it means changing job, sometimes it means doubling down. How you do it is up to you, but do it.

drying tears with money

10) Go on a shopping spree

There's something to be said about overcompensating. However, going on a much needed shopping spree, in particular with regards to stocking up on clothing, can serve as a mental renaissance by giving our minds the impression of a new start. New clothes, new image, new life! Hey, if it works, it works. 

11) Reacquaint yourself with the advantages of being single

There are obviously upsides to being in a functional relationship, but I'm sure you know all about that. Instead, it's easy to forget that being the master and commander of your own fate has its advantages too. Learn why being single can be a great thing.

12) Get a pet. 

I'm wary of recommending this because getting a pet shouldn't be a spur of the moment decision, and the pet's well being shouldn't be just a crutch for us. However, it is also a fact that taking care of a pet satisfies many of the points listed above. And building a strong, unconditional bond of trust and affection for a furry friend is a proven way to beat the breakup blues. 

13) Stay away from rebounds

A rebound relationship will end in tears once you realize that it is only a crude way of attempting to run from your old relationship. Be skeptical of your mind's insistence of filling that hole in your chest with something to replace the past. 

14) Forget closure.

There's no such thing as tying loose ends. The sooner we accept our circumstances at face value the sooner we move on. That's why the end goal of breakup recovery is not happiness, but acceptance

15) Use your anger as fuel.

Another well known stage in the cycle of grief is anger. Rather than let all that energy go to waste, or worse, burn you up. Use that manic drive to make big changes that need to happen in your life. Breakups and trauma will usher in change, take control of these changes.

16) Write a letter.

Writing a letter is a great way to sweep confusing aspects of your breakup aside. It is the closest you'll get to tying loose ends. Detail exactly how you feel, without the nonsense and chit-chat, and send it off. Actually, you don't even need to send it. It is the act of writing it down and crystallizing your thoughts that really matters. You are also allowing your ex the space necessary to answer on their time, without putting them under pressure. It will be appreciated.

17) Redesign your home.

Another way to immediately reap the benefits from tricking your brain into accepting a new dawn. You want to teach your brain that THIS is the new normal. Along with a personal makeover and traveling, simple steps such as this will go a long way towards marking a fresh start and move on. Remember that moving on means exactly that--moving on!

18) Get rid of your ex's stuff.

Seriously. Just do it! Either give it to someone else if it is valuable or just ditch it. The gesture is symbolic, but letting go in this way will aid the mental transition as well as remove painful triggers in your everyday life. 

19) Block your ex on Facebook.

Indulging in some social shenanigans becomes a lot more appealing when we KNOW we aren't going to run into something painful. If seeing a highlight reel of your ex moving on is more than you can bear, forget your guilt and block them. You owe it to yourself. If you they have a crumb of empathy they will look past their own feelings and understand your need for a clean cut. If you really want to make sure they don't misunderstand, send them an Email telling them that blocking them isn't about them, per se, but about your healing.

20) Join a community.

Thanks to the Internet, there are hundreds of breakup communities that help each other sort of the chaos of their breakups. Seek out like-minded individuals and talk yourself out. It's free, its fast and its effective.