5 Signs You Shouldn't Meet That Ex Boyfriend For Coffee

Meeting that ex boyfriend for a drink and a smile should never be a forgone conclusion. If you're on the fence there's probably good reason for your trepidation.

Let me remind you why your subconscious brain is screaming at you and throwing up more red flag than a convention on communism with a handful of timeless signs.

#1 He's Buying All The Drinks

friends with benefits

I mean this both metaphorically and literally.

You could make the argument he's just being generous or kind. Sure. But here's the thing. An ex repeatedly buying you something sounds less like a gift and more like a transaction. Only, what is it he wants exactly?

Care to take a guess?

There's obviously nothing wrong with a little fun between two consenting adults, but if your goal is long term reconciliation, then opting for a friends with benefits scenario is an unlikely to lead you there.

If the prospect sounds appealing as is however, well then why the hell not?

#2 He Has A History

How many times do we have to meet up with that ex boyfriend for a talk, only to realize that it's all leading absolutely nowhere? Too many times is the only correct answer.

At some point a line in the sand has to be drawn, and why not do that right now? If we demonstrate that will to stand for clarity, and cut his mind game feeding tube away, the only thing he is left to deal in is the truth. 

Yes, this might mean he gives up and walks away, but then again if that's the case he was bound to do so anyway since there wasn't much in the tank to begin with. Win-win if you ask me. Well, in the long term at least. 

#3 You Simply Don't Want To

breakup freedom

Don't allow any latent feelings of guilt or "owing him for old time's sake" to steer you towards a meetup if you don't want actually want one. In the long run it won't serve either of you well.

A breakup is exactly that, not just a physical separation, but a breakup of co-responsibility. 

If you are truly done with this narrative, be done with it. Otherwise you risk granting him the opening he needs to continue to harbor a false sense of hope, as well as prolong your own misery.

As the saying goes. "No" is a full sentence. 

#4 You Want Closure

Meeting an ex for closure is a great way to realize there is no such thing, and that every answer will only provoke more questions.

If it's closure you want, look towards building a fulfilling life outside of that relationship. Building new comfort zones and experiences is the only way to accept the past and present as they actually stand. 

Remember that the final stage of the K├╝bler-Ross model of grief is acceptance, not happiness. And acceptance does not mean achieving closure. It means moving forwards regardless. 

#5 Your Gut Instinct Is Screaming At You

subconscious warning

Your subconscious mind is working hard, especially during a breakup, to pick out cues and signals your conscious mind is ignoring. This is the value of having an instinct that is more defensively capable than we give it credit for.

If something seems off or amiss about meeting up with your ex for a chat, there's probably a reason. Maybe it's his too-casual tone that is attempting to compensate for too much underlying intensity, or maybe his bizarre, meandering word choice makes no sense. Whatever it is, pay attention to it! There's a very high chance the lump of biomass between our ears is telling us something important that we shouldn't ignore.