Will Giving An Ex Boyfriend Time Alone Make Him Come Back?


When all else fails giving an ex time alone may initially seem like our last bet at turning things around.

Or so we're told.

The idea is simple. Left to fend for themselves, there's the possibility that space and time will remind our ex boyfriend what they are losing. That they took you for granted or that the grass really isn't as green as they'd hoped.

There's nothing quite like a dose of solitude to remind us how special it is to have someone who truly cares. At least that much is true.

But is this what is likely to happen or is this just our insecurity conjuring daydreams to ease our pain?

Time Is Not A Magic Bullet

ex holding timer


Time alone is not an actively massaging the wrinkles out of your relationship carpet. Time isn't going to address the elephant in the room.

At best, from a dumpee's perspective, time will allow emotions to settle enough to address these points more concisely later on.

But what if there is no later on?

Because that's the risk: That no contact becomes exactly that, no contact. For good.

If you want a period of time to think things over, great. But make sure the silence has an expiry date, and that the lines of communication remain open. Not only this, but make sure that if you, or your ex, have something to say, they feel welcome using them.

The condition to using communication should be no mixed messages and crumbs. If he sends you a picture of his new haircut and asks for advice, see it for what it is. A way of baiting a reaction out of you so he can guess what your feelings towards him are. There's no real reason for ex's to keep in touch unless you are both keen on staying friends, but if you found this article on Google, chances are that's not the case.

Limit Contact But Keep It Open


Limited contact is a far better reconciliation strategy because even if it results in silence, you are still connected. No contact means cutting an ex out and hoping insecurity makes them crawl back. But what if they don't?

By limiting, but not destroying contact, you are erecting a friendly face around the silence. Which means less chance of your ex misinterpreting the silence as hatred or resentment. It's a time out, not a goodbye.

Remember that if you can't talk you can't reconcile. It really is that simple.

Will Time Alone Make Him Come Back?

The answer is no. But it can cripple his sense of security to the point where he seeks you out again.

While there is a chance that this may lead to concrete steps towards reconciling. If, and only if, it isn't just a way for him to leech affection from you to get back on his feet, it may all pan out. But even if this is the case, it's still a gamble. If your love is too big to gamble, don't play the game. There are better ways of maximizing your chances.

Yes, being direct and actively communicating your feelings (and demanding the same from him) is terrifying because you have so much to lose. But whether you are comfortable with it or not, the truth is the truth, and it exists whether or not you have the courage to seek it.

In addition to this, and maybe it's just me, but the pain of not knowing, of living in an unending grey area, is often worse than a clean cut. At least you know which direction to walk in after being punched in the face by the truth.