How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend

Most reconciliation strategies revolve around using distance to manipulate our exes into caving into their insecurity.

For instance, if they have so far resisted attempts to repair the relationship, there's a good chance that you've contemplated going no contact (or have already tried to) as a way of getting them to realize what life without you actually entails. In this case, you attempt to prevent a breakup with your boyfriend by making the breakup an emotional tug of war and starve him out.

The hope is that without us around to validate their feelings and provide them with the affection they had taken for granted, that they will realize how much they miss us. But how sure are you that this is the conclusion they will reach? And if it isn't, bear in mind that without a working communication outlet you won't be there to correct their misinterpretation.

Repair Your Communication And Keep It Transparent

As mentioned earlier, if you want to reconcile you're going to need to be able to communicate. It's that simple.

No contact may force a needy ex to reach out to you to feel better about themselves, but it won't do anything to help repair the relationship. There's nothing magical about time left to itself. Things won't miraculously just improve.

Make sure you:

  • Find a communicative medium you are comfortable using and are able to be honest with. For example, in most breakup cases impersonal media such as Email or texts are preferable because they allow you to communicate without your emotions getting in the way. 
  • Don't abuse the communication channels you have. If you are welcome to contact an ex then remember that this is your lifeline. Don't risk it by confusing them or manipulating them. If you do, those channels may close forever overnight. 
  • Separate the nonsense from what is important. Only reach out if you have something real to say, and real questions to ask. Don't chit-chat for the sake of gauging their feelings, it won't bring clarity!
So, step one: Make sure you can contact your ex if you need to. If you are currently no contact then I would suggest taking a hit and breaking the silence to see whether or not those channels remain open.

Be Pro-active 

Don't wait for him to come to you first. Take steps to secure your own peace of mind. Do this for yourself even if it seems daunting at first, the payoff is immense.

Part of the pain of navigating a breakup is rooted in the fact that you feel like you've lost control of your life, and that you need your ex-boyfriend to validate your feelings. Taking action means subconsciously telling your brain that you are once more in control. It will give you a sense of purpose and control that will shred much of the anxiety associated with the breakup.

Steps you can take:
  • If you need answers, ask the questions. Don't send mixed messages or crumbs. Ask directly and in such a way that even silence is an answer (a yes/no question, for example).
  • Get busy with other aspects of your life. It will directly help combat the loss of control and pain associated with "drifting". Volunteer work can help fill that empty void left by your ex and help cement self-worth.
  • Have a plan. Alright, emotions don't care about plans and life is rarely going to pan out the way we want it to. But have a plan anyway because it gives us a sense of place and purpose. Have a goal, and work towards it one baby-step at a time. 
  • Resist the urge to seek cover. You are hurt, and your first reaction is to either run or seek cover. But doing so does not satisfy the brain's need to fight or fly and thus we make no progress. Don't underestimate the value in doing things to appease our subconscious mind. Taking action for the sake of acting make seem like a waste of time, but it is helping us passively. It will drastically reduce the breakup pain window.
Yes, ultimately time will passively find a way to shelve the pain. But we want to be in control of this process, so that we decide in what direction to take our lives. Our ex-boyfriend may be gone, but we are still the masters and commanders of our fate!

How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend

It sounds superficial, but there's another advantage to preventing a breakup by staying busy. 

You are demonstrating strength. Not just to yourself, but to your ex as well.

This is one of the most challenging moments in your life, and rather than break down and giving up (by playing mind games) you are standing tall and taking life on the chest. This, in of itself, is magnetic. It is a sign that you value yourself, that you love yourself. And it will show both your brain and the world that you have what it takes to overcome anything

Because you do!