How to Accept the Fact Your Ex Is in a New Relationship

What's done is done, but good luck telling your treacherous mind that.

With this betrayal in mind, this is my no nonsense guide to coming to grips with a new post-breakup reality, especially when your brain refuses to let go.

Denial Isn't Something You Can Reason With


Let's look at life through our brain's blind eyes.

You had a stable routine for a long time. It may have had it's ups and downs, but it was nevertheless a routine. And the brain just loves routine because routine means survival. Even when the routine in question is unhealthy or patently damaging (I'm sure you can think of some poignant examples), the brain will still go for that instead of a potentially pleasurable unknown.

This is why change, even when it undoubtedly serves us, is so hard to do. Because our organ of intelligence is blind to the outside world. Or perhaps more accurately, it is primordially hardwired to do what's best for our survival. Which is avoid chaos at all cost.

The problem is chaos is here whether or not we want it to. It was handed to us in the fleeting form of an ex moving on at the speed of light. Now what?

Simple (that was sarcasm), we create a new comfort zone for the brain to hug cling to.

Getting Our Brain To Sync With Our Legs

Moving on really does benefit from mean moving on, in the physical sense.

The quicker we can build a new routine then quicker out brain will embrace it. And the only real way of doing this is by doing stuff.

How important is happiness or fulfillment in creating a new routine? Turns out -- not very. So you can't really go wrong so long as you're out there swinging.


And even if your breakup is temporary rather than permanent, you will nevertheless have shrugged off a great deal of dependence and complacency by cracking your knuckles and moving forwards.

Acceptance Means Surrendering Not Fighting

Forget closure, no such thing exists. Waving a make believe finish line 5 inches in front of your face will only mean that every day you wake up and realize you aren't there is a failure. It's going to hurt, but hopefully by not living in denial we can stave off unnecessary suffering (the pain is unavoidable).

Accepting that is over means acting like it's over. Sooner or later our brains will "accept" that whatever foundations we've built in the meantime is here to stay, and the suffering will ease off gradually.

However, if we keep chasing finish lines we unwittingly erect a never ending obstacle course for our self esteem and healing.